The habit of sexuality

We talked with our therapist last week about what we've been going through recently. Our sex life has gone from hot and steamy (when we first met) to basically non-existent. The usual suspects, kids, job, etc. take up much of my time. I asked her for advice on how to get things started again.

What she told me that people tend to get out of the habit of sexuality. When a relationship is new and exciting, sex comes naturally. But as things move along, unless you work on it, a couple's sexual relationship can go down the toilet. She also told me that this is probably the number one problem she sees in relationships, that a healthy sex life is essential for most relationships.

What she suggested, apart from the normal "make time for your partner", etc., was that we should try to relearn how to think "sexy". To view each other not as we've become, the person who I see every day who takes out the garbage and changes the diapers, but the person we used to be erotically charged about when we met.

Now when I have some time, when things are a bit less hectic, I try and run some sexy scenarios through my brain, reliving some of the more passionate times we've had together. The idea is simply to get back into the *habit* of thinking in a sexual manner.

Like all good things, a passionate relationship takes work to maintain.

Rachel

A beginning

Back when I was a girl, we were taught that good girls do not like sex. It was something that you put up with for the sake of a marriage and keeping your husband happy. While no one explicitly told me this, I learned it through unspoken conversation with my mother, in church and in the media. I accepted it without thought like many other lessons we learn as a child.

As an adult, I've learned to question many of my assumptions. Why don't "girls like sex"? Why does the patriarchy try to keep us little sweet innocent things who put up with sex rather than enjoy it? I admit that I've fallen into the trap in may relationship where the sex has waned over the years, but I want to change that. I *like* sex. I like the feel of my SO's body against me, the smell and taste of him.

I'm sick of society telling me what I want and need. I want to take my sexuality in my own hands and wring the enjoyment that I *deserve* out if it.

And hence this blog.

I'm staying totally anonymous on this one. Too much that I really don't want to have to discuss with my MIL over dinner next week. I like the fact that I can keep a semi-public journal and get feedback from my readers (please do!) without anyone know who I am. It's rather liberating.

Rachel X